I know why I cry so easily at anything so remotely depressing. Because hurt, pain and loss remind so easily me of all the things my mum has said before. I never want to be a mother like her. Cause my children will know how it feels to literally feel your heart contracting in emotional pain. The wrenching of the heart is a very literal and physically and emotionally painful thing to go through. No one should ever have to feel such pain.

It's because of my mum that I sometimes lose my faith in Him. How can someone you love so much be the person you hate more in the world.

This is motivation to complete my UCAS app. 

Awkward. My mum's friends are over, her old school mates. Was watching Vampire Sucks with their kids, and the mum's came over to watch it with us... hm. Our house is always super noisy when my mum entertains. sigh. Have to wake up early tmrw. )o:

"In commemoration of its presence here in Singapore, Salvatore Ferragamo has launched a new Merlion Tie. The iconic Merlion sits alongside the Vanda Miss Joachim, another national icon, and the Traveler’s Palm, on a silk tie that the Italian luxury label is very much known for. There are only 400 pieces available in two colors of red or navy, and is exclusive to Singapore. Available now at all Salvatore Ferragamo boutiques across the nation."

Seriously?... -.-  Anything with the Merlion printed on it just looks like one of those cheap souvenirs from tourist shops. sianz. -.-

"ABSOLUT VODKA presents its first-ever China Limited Edition bottle design named ABSOLUT 72 Bian. Crafted by Chinese avant-garde artist Gao Yu, the design seeks inspiration from the well-known Chinese mythical figure, the Monkey King, famous for his 72 transformations during the novel Journey to the West. On a second look, you might catch features of the iconic Chinese panda integrated in the design.

Ms Maybelline Tan, Assistant Brand Manager of Pernod Ricard Singapore expressed,”… artist Gao Yu’s take on the classical Chinese icon is the perfect integration of contemporary and traditional art which exemplifies the notion of ‘creativity with no limits’ of ABSOLUT.” "

... -.- I am reminded of the Jolin Tsai song...

ah. tired. bb.

So angry with myself. I can't bring myself to start on my PS. It's like I know I must do it. like NOW. But I just can't bring myself to open mword and bang out some paragraphs. )o: The heart is willing but the flesh is weak. Or just lazy huh.

Spent the day watching Modern Family with M and S. haha. They are now officially converts. (If only it were that easy to evangelize *sigh*) Anw. Gonna put on an apple mask now. yay. Better skin, for a better tomorrow.

This has been pointless. I have absolutely no energy to make a point in this entry, and my head is currently resting on my study table. It's 825pm and I think i'm gonna call it a night. You can call me a pig.

haha. I got a youtube account. But i have no idea what to do with it? I have no video camera. )o: oh well.

yay. Econs is over. For life. unless.

Before the paper  I was literally shaking. I dropped all my stuff on the floor cause my hands were shaking so much. Thank God for bringing me though it all. I semi-finished on the dot, and my pen ran out of ink right at that moment. HAHA. Melinda says it's super drama.

I've never shook that much out of fear before. Funny experience.

so tired of studying. feel nauseous just looking at my notes, and all the pieces of paper scattered around my room. room is really akin to a shithole. just this morning i washed 6 cups of tea that i accumulated over the week, and a container of licorice laces.

at least econs will be done by tmrw. then lit. then ell. then i will be tired to complete my post-a-levels plans. and probably bum my life away.

am v scared of what is to come. so scared to the point that i don't capitalize the first words of every sentence- but that's probably irrelevant. ugh. what if i don't get to be a journalist/lawyer/sociologist/bum like i've always wanted to be. ugh. honestly i don't even know if i want to do any of that.

ugh. ugh. ugh. a levels are taking too long to be over.

'your future is already made in Him. He is your destiny'

bb. gonna read econs essays till i puke. not literally but it really feels like i'm gonna barf. everything just becomes this mess of letters that i recognise but don't understand. ahhh. my brain isn't even working properly dude.

A rare venture back to lj. I really have nothing better to do hur. It's late, but I can't sleep cause I drank too much coffee this morning. Whats this man, when i drink coffee at 8am, I feel sleepy the whole day, but can't sleep once I get in bed. So tired. But can't sleep. Having a major headache. Ahhh. Shouldn't whine, it's gross.

hello lj. missed me?

Been perusing(wow) some blogs recently (because well, I've nothing better to do right, other than taking my As) and I've come to the conclusion that to be indie, one has to have a simple layout with many posts about obscure music, not? I dunno. Just wondering if I was indie. Guess not, my music post a few entries back was Corbin Bleu's 'Push It'... I used to think being 'indie' meant having 'indian' characteristics... like being hairy or something.

Omg headache. This has been a pointless attempt at a 'comeback' post (not like anyone actually reads my lj, but wtv) will try again on the 30th nov. Or earlier.

Feelin' good at the moment.

"If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish and it will be given to you" John 15:7

For those that are a constant in my life, you'd probably know that I lost my handphone on tuesday. Good news! It's been found!!! *jumps around excitedly* Can only collect it tomorrow through. haha. But nonetheless.

It seems very insignificant, but this incident has really reminded me about God's promises in my life, and how he can do ANYTHING. See, when I first lost it, people were just telling me to 'give up' and not go searching for it (I launched a mini-self-search-party all around ACJC on wednesday) because if people see the phone, they'd probably just pocket it. Coupled with the fact that the place where I dropped it is frequented by outsiders, so all the more the chance of someone picking it up and just making off with it. I cried alot initially because I had dropped my handphone before (on the beach at sentosa, go figure) and it never came back to me, and I remember that time my mother was so angry with me she didn't talk to me for 4 days. And losing the handphone this time round made me feel so stupid and irresponsible cause I had waited since March to get the phone, and it was only a month old!!
Aiyah. There's really just so much that I've learnt from this 'traumatizing' experience. God's grace, Non-circumstantial faith, the power of Belief and the might of Prayer. It just makes me want to smile and laugh just thinking about everything. I pray I not forget this ever. 

Sometimes we get so caught up in the 'logic' and 'practicality' of this world. In my case, losing my handphone meant it was a sure goner, because come on, in terms of 'logic', if you see a new blackberry bold 9700 by the road side, the chances of someone picking it up and just keeping it/selling it are extremely high. Normally once you lose your phone, you lose it forever.

But God's power works in the most incredible and impossible ways.

Thanks ya'll who prayed for me to be re-united with my phone. I still remember T telling me success stories of people finding their lost phones at the General Office to cheer me up. HAHA. funnaye. G thinks I should tie my phone around my neck. I will I guess, if I get a miffy lanyard. HAHA.

I haven't really done such a post in a long time. There was a time, i think in sec 4 or something, where most of my posts were pretty meaningful. Then I just got crappier and crappier. I really admire those people who keep an entire blog dedicated to God, eg. WL, it's very selfless, because you don't just jabber on about your life and whats going on in it. Instead you tell people of what God has done in your life, and how everything goes back to Him.